28.

Image

 

It was in that moment that I thought, “Could this be really happening?”. Confused. Devastated. I never thought things could go on this way.

I can see clearly now, I think so. No, crush it. I’m sure of it.

It seems like for so long now we’ve been fooling ourselves. Thinking that, “Hey maybe this is the one” or “Yeah, this is really different.” But right now, it just seem too vague and bleak.

It was a test. I want to know how would someone would react to that. And I guess, I had the truth slapping on to my face. I tried again, just to make sure and indeed, I was sure this time. This time I saw it in action. This time I saw it closing the door, leaving unnecessary things. This time I felt it.

And it was not some kind of violence. It was so silent and so smooth that I had to think twice if it really DID happen. I waited, thinking that maybe things are going to be back to normal. That we’ll compromise and deal. But no. I searched and that feeling is nowhere to be found. I had to wait. I need to be patient. But when the rain started falling, it was a sign of surrender.

I drowned myself with the rain moods. I had to overcome the emotions. I was just staring blankly. I don’t know what to feel. Should it be pain? Should I start crying? Should I just have it all pass? I don’t know.

I was feeling nothing at first. I was thinking why, how or what really just happened. I had to blame myself for it. I don’t know why but I really just have to blame myself.

I left that post and entered a four walled space. I was completely abandoned. I felt like everything was washed away with the flood. Everything. And I was just staring at the 5th wall on top. Again, I questioned why. I had to come up with an answer or conclusion.

I was abandoned. I cannot ignore that fact. I was expecting too much. I was thinking too much. I had it all too much. Then, it was just too much that I cannot control my own nervous system. The pain was showing, the hurt showcased itself boldly.

Then, I finally had this theory. We were fools. We fell on the pit of blindness. We thought it was it but I guess it wasn’t. I thought I was right but right now I’m having second thoughts.

I don’t think I can continue with this. Too much is just too much.

I need to make-up my mind.

 

Advertisements

21 Harsh But Eye-Opening Writing Tips From Great Authors

Thought Catalog

A lot of people think they can write or paint or draw or sing or make movies or what-have-you, but having an artistic temperament doth not make one an artist.

Even the great writers of our time have tried and failed and failed some more. Vladimir Nabokov received a harsh rejection letter from Knopf upon submitting Lolita, which would later go on to sell fifty million copies. Sylvia Plath’s first rejection letter for The Bell Jar read, “There certainly isn’t enough genuine talent for us to take notice.” Gertrude Stein received a cruel rejection letter that mocked her style. Marcel Proust’s Swann’s Way earned him a sprawling rejection letter regarding the reasons he should simply give up writing all together. Tim Burton’s first illustrated book, The Giant Zlig, got the thumbs down from Walt Disney Productions, and even Jack Kerouac’s perennial On the Road received a particularly blunt…

View original post 712 more words

….

I feel like I’m trapped in a place where I’m supposed to feel freedom.

Suddenly, in an instant, all the good things seem to be gone. Out of your hands.

Fading away from you…

And all I can do is just weep and reflect on how disappointed I am with the world.

35 Pieces Of Advice From A 100-Year-Old

something to ponder on

Thought Catalog

A woman who can see things through the eye of experience shares 35 tips on what she learned from 100 years of life.

1. Even if you feel hatred, keep it to yourself. Don’t hurt other people for any reason.

2. Don’t ever give up on love.

3. Great things will happen. God is good and will bring you blessings beyond what you can even imagine.

4. Nobody else controls you.

5. Make time to cry.

6. Travel while you’re young and able. Don’t worry about the money, just make it work. Experience is far more valuable than money will ever be.

7. There is always tomorrow.

8. Don’t compare! You’ll never be happy with your life. The grass is always greener.

9. If you are embarrassed to be dating someone, you should not be dating them.

10. Do one thing each day that is just for you.

11. The…

View original post 286 more words

22 Things You Need To Do While You Have The Chance

Thought Catalog

1. Go to a country whose language you do not speak, and where English is rarely spoken. Learn what it means to have to find out everything by yourself, and to live glued to your translating dictionary.

2. Sleep with your whole body stretched across the bed in your very own apartment, where no one can tell you what to do or make you be quiet so that they can sleep.

3. Take a road trip simply for the joy of being on the road and not having anywhere in particular to end up. Stop in restaurants and shops along the way that look like they belong in a Norman Rockwell painting, and eat candy that your grandparents used to love.

4. Dance with a stranger in the bar for three whole songs and then go home by yourself, without feeling like you owed them anything.

5. Read a religious…

View original post 677 more words

9 Films That Try To Understand Love

Thought Catalog

Unlike most movies concerned with love, these films attempt to get at what really goes down in relationships. Basketcase characters troubled with age gaps, loneliness, death, and mental illness offer more insight on relationships than the typical “indie quirky love” or rom com. For those who get off on realism, these onscreen relationships will make you go, “Aha! I’ve felt that before. That’s so true!”

He Loves Me… He Loves Me Not (À la folie… pas du tout) (2002, dir. Laetitia Colombani)

Watch Angelique’s (Audrey Tautou) obsessive tendencies. Relate. Once the film’s point of view shifts and presents Angelique’s lover’s outlook, reevaluate crushing behavior. Walk away considering the possibility that there’s a reason you get too infatuated with people. It’s okay, you might just be crazy. Now go see a psychiatrist.

Anything Else (2003, dir. Woody Allen)

Despite Amanda Chase’s (Christina Ricci) baggage (an eating disorder and a mother who crashes…

View original post 708 more words

Leadership Training: The Christ-like Way

Happiness is a choice. Letting go is a choice. Almost everything is a choice.

 

I am really glad that you choose to stay in this community. I am really glad that you choose to be part of this journey despite how cryptic it will be. God knows how happy I am that we were gathered to help and cherish one another all for His glory.

 

I’d like to share important points during our CLTS. First, I learned that in order become a leader you must know how to listen. Not just hearing but listening- listening with your heart and mind open. Second,  words are powerful. Words can greatly affect someone, may it be positively or negatively. Our words are  really  a powerful tool to uplift, to help, to encourage, and to build the community. I learned that we should continue sharing beautiful words. We should make it a habit to say something sincere and positive to each other despite our own flaws. I also learned that whenever you say something nice to someone, it bounces back to you. You become more optimistic each day. Just like my college teacher always say in prayer: Lord, help me to see what is beautiful..”

 

 Thirdly, I learned that in each day of our lives, we need to unlearn ourselves. Learn new things. Make innovations. Be creative. We need to be open to all possibilities, no matter how impossible it can be. There will be days when we cannot avoid making mistakes or people around you will make mistakes, it is important to remember that Jesus instructed us to forgive and love one another. No matter how sinful or how out of control the person is, it is important to be patient and loving. And at the same time we need to forgive ourselves. We need to understand each other. We need to understand each others situation. We need to understand that we have different background, up bringing, attitudes, personalities. We need to understand that we are all human beings- prone to mistakes.

 

And when the time comes when your patience is tested, we need to remember to go to the balcony. Meaning, we need to calm ourselves, let go of that anger first. And when you are done, evaluate of the situation rather than going into rush and careless actions. When you are ready or if it is important, then go and talk to the person. Proper channeling.

 

I am reminded that there must be some sacrifices to be done for the welfare of other people. There will come in our lives that we need to sacrifice our pride or our comfort for the sake of our fellowmen. And that sometimes, there will be interruptions. Some changes. And we must remember to become versatile to change.

 

Lastly, choose wisely. Choose to be good rather than bad. Choose the right path than the wrong one. Choose the right and loving words than the hurtful and harmful ones. Choose to encourage. Choose to laugh, to dance, to sing, to act. Choose whichever will make you happy. Choose  to listen, to trust. Choose life. Choose happiness. (Choose coke hahaha)  Choose to let go of the negative and absorb the positive. Choose to understand. Choose to learn. Choose to be united. Choose CCC.

 

I know that this journey of ours will never be easy. But with you, it would be a journey of learning and love. I am really happy to choose this journey. And I know I’m on the right path. I hope you feel the same way too. And I believe, you will. Let us continue keeping this “new” fire burning  together.

 

 

Keep fighting. Aja!

God bless.

 

PS: Congrats to the new set of Prayer Partners. 🙂

 

 

We can go a distance together. We can go beyond expectations.