We have this spiritual preparation in our community before a big event could take place. It’s called soaking, wherein we soak ourselves with the Holy Spirit. For me, it makes us focus more on our goal rather than ourselves. It allows us to surrender our hardships, heartaches, and all kind of suffering. It is like a “venting-out” session.
It’s really just a simple process. We pray, we surrender, we ask for the Holy Spirit to shower His blessings/gifts, we ask for the presence of Jesus, we praise Him, we worship Him, we glorify Him. It’s basically just everything.
Though I’ve been doing these things for quite a long time already, I believe every meeting is different, unique and moving. For this soaking before the Worship Concert (an annual concert for Our God), it was intimate encounter with God. I was just praying intently, surrendering every thought, every feeling and emotion and just as it continues I now feel my closed eyes water. And I was hesitant at first that maybe all of these are hypocrisy or just the mere fact that I’m tired and exhausted. But it’s not. There is more to that feeling. I cannot resist that overflow tears down my eyes. I could not fathom. I could not describe.
I was so focused on Him. I want to tell Him everything. And I did. I said I was tired, that I’ve been doing many things with no result. I told Him my darkest secrets, my sins, my fears, my anxieties. I told Him that I lied, that I’m dirty, I’m a sinner, I’m worthless and all. Everything. Everything with that small span of time of encounter. I know I saw Him infront of me. He was there. He was listening. He did not said any word when I spoke. He was there. He was present. He did not left me hanging clueless though. He did not left. Instead when I asked Him to talk, when I asked Him to say something, when I asked Him “Hey God, c’mmon please tell what to do.”; He did responded. With a response that is so subtle and gentle I began to cry so hard. He said “it’s alright to be human.”. He made an impression on me that everything is going to be okay. He said all my sins are forgiven already, that I just need to remake myself. I just need to make things better now. He will grant me a new life everyday. A new start every waking hour. He will grant me peace and freedom from all these things that are trying to distract me from worshiping Him. He was smiling on us. He was so assuring and encouraging. I could not imagine anyone to forgive me with the things I’ve done to them.
I continued confessing to Him all my sins, my mistakes and He continues to listen. We were in the middle of the session when my other friends started singing the “Inside Out by Hillsong” . I sang the song with them. Sincerely. I could feel the every word. I gave conviction to it like it is a speech given to a multitudes of people. I could feel my hand banging with force in the air. Trying to emphasize everything that is needed to be emphasized. And then when we sang the part, ” The art of losing myself in bringing You praise.” , gosh I just wanted to cry like a baby in tantrums. I cried so hard, I wanted to scream (but I didn’t because I might distract other people although it’s okay to scream in these kind of sessions.). I asked God why. Why does He still forgive me? Why does He still love me despite my weakness? Why? And in that moment, I swear, I said that I’ll live in a life of worship. In that moment, I realized how much God blessed me when I started surrendering my life to Him. I had these minor flashbacks of who I am before. I was so different. I wouldn’t much go into detail. All I could say is He changed me. He saved me. He did various things to help me and I remained unfocused on that. And so in that that, I committed myself to a life of service to Him, to be at very least a way to say Thank You to Him.
I am all out of thank you words that time. He is indescribable that no words can level up to Him. I will now focus on times He mysteriously moved me. Those moments where I felt His love and compassion.
I felt His abounding love. His great magnificent love. No one could compare. No one. Not anything. I love Him so much and I know He loves me. He is Jesus, the lover of my soul. As the song goes, I would really never let Him go. He is my bestfriend forever. I love Him.
And I believe all the people in the hall felt God and His Love. It showed during the revelation where we share our experience /visions/ impressions during the Worship. Almost everyone who talked cried a river of love. They were so touched. They had this “love encounter.” I, for one, cracked up and cried somehow a little when I started the share. I just couldn’t handle the happy-yet-I-want -to-cry-because-I’m-so happy feeling. And I can remember His smile. His “hey-you-are-my-child-don’t-worry-I-love-you-so-much-more-than-anything smile. I want to hug him physically (if only I could.). Oh He is glorious and victorious!!!
That night, I believed I have been changed again. I have been drawn to somewhere higher. I felt His love and I will not waste that love. I will share it to all people. That is my mission here on earth, to spread God’s love and to glorify Him in all things that I do.
I love you Lord, Jesus. I love you. I hope you can read my blog (hahaha). But I guess You don’t have to because You already know my thoughts before I could even sayor write it.
I am soaked up in His love.
I am weak and I am lifted up.